Preview of Our Wedding Vows

Our wedding vows will be loosely based on the following well circulated poems:

The Female Poem

I want a man who's handsome and strong
A man who will listen carefully and long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who will call and won't wait for weeks.
I want a man who is gainfully employed
And when I spend his money, won't be annoyed.
A man who holds my arm as he opens the door
And massages my neck as he asks to do more.
I guess what I want is a man who loves to the end
A man who will always be my very best friend.

The Male Poem

I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who
owns a liquor store, a bowling alley, a big fishing
boat, and a golf course.
I know that doesn't rhyme, but I don't care.